As many of you have heard me say when I decided to do this walk it was as if God was sitting next to me in the car. I have asked several times even since giving into him and signing up for this bold, crazy, and sometimes scary but diffently life changing event.
Why??? Why me??? What if???
I still am not sure about the why? or what if ? But I am starting to get the why me...first of all the more I grow in my walk with the Lord the more I realize "because I said so" means a whole lot when coming from God. Isn't it funny that we don't like to hear that anymore than our kids do...lol
As I have said before my live took a major turn around 4 years ago and as if being told I had cancer was not enough a year later I had a major car wreck that left me unable to work, drive, or even walk for about 6 months. I remember thinking in those early days after the wreck what more can go wrong? Ususally when I hear people say that I laugh and say be careful what you ask for. But this time there was no laugh only a still small voice...asking are you REALLY ready to learn to lean on me? I thought what do you mean I have been walking with you for over a year now. (Yes I was one of those people that found my way back to the Lord during a problem).
What he meant was for this single mom to trust him...not a man, not a paycheck, not even myself. What I have learned is that trusting in God is an ongoing battle at least it is for me. I think I have it mastered and then something happens and I realize what I really have mastered is getting to the edge and looking over and then jumping back because I have allowed the world to tell me how to act and how to feel and how to think. Truly trusting God means that we sometimes have to walk in blind faith.
Well once again that blind faith was tested this past weekend in a couple of different ways and the enemy knows exactly where my weak spots are and tried his best to derail my journey. For those of you that know me, you know I am absolutely T-totally scared to death to speak in public but our team Standing Firm has a fundraiser coming up this Thursday and what better place to get the word out than to invite our Sunday School class of about 150 people to come out and eat. To do that someone had to stand up and annouce it well thankgoodness contrary to what the enemy would like to tell me...nobody laughed, I didn't fall flat on my face and who knows maybe just a few of them will come out to support us and help us raise funds to end Breast Cancer.
So I guess when all these people keep telling us that the 3day event is life changing they really do mean it. After all I wouldn't stand up speak in public if not for a really great cause.